Rob Says He's a Bookworm / by Kory Russell

Monster and Kid Reading.jpg

 

I created this drawing several months ago.  I have some fascination with children’s illustration, though I never look at children’s illustrations or seek out any children’s books.  I say I have a fascination with it, but I assume only in the sense that it relates to an adult life, and unless you are wearing diapers as an adult… and not a really old adult that has to start re-wearing diapers, then most children’s books- at least the ones with illustrations should be a little below your reading level.

 

Though there will inevitably be Harry Potter readers that disagree, but I contend that they have little to no illustrations.  Though I do also contend that they aren’t as great as everyone made them out to be. Though, weirdly enough, and you’d never know it by the things that I draw, I’ve never been into fantasy or sci fi.  Not in the least. Spaceballs was about as far into Sci-Fi that I ever dabbled, then I was humiliated when I watched it years later and realized how unfunny it really was. But you work with what you’ve got I guess, so I will not disparage my ‘80’s/ ‘90’s upbringing.  Also, interesting side note, my spell check doesn’t see anything wrong with the way that I spell gostpopel, but makes sure that I spell Spaceballs correctly (as I had it written as two words- Space Balls, obviously offensive to the geeks that made this program.)

 

I find children’s illustration fascinating because it speaks to the most integral part of our upbringing.  We develop our most prized beliefs by the age of 6- I think. I also believe that Stalin once said that given a child until age 6 he could make them a communist for life.  These are things I am writing down, but haven’t taken the 3 minutes it would require of me to verify it on Google.

 

So, I find it interesting that we give up so easily those things that molded us.  Certain things belong to children and shouldn’t be tampered with, like making stupid noises, being really weird around company, or the way babies just don’t care about staring creepily at strangers.  But some things, like Peanut Butter Cap’n Crunch1 should belong to those that have the money to buy it, and can drive their car to Publix and get it when it’s buy one get one free.  I shouldn’t be forced to give this up because a child has acquired a taste for it in their short 4 years on earth, and their free cookie from the deli counter isn’t cutting it.  What has that kid been through that would justify his having it over me? Did they wake up, get out of bed and it took five minutes to stand upright straightening out their back that must have been switched with a 2x4 at 33?  Did they have a wreck with a 90 year old blind man- literally legally blind and still driving? Did they drop their toothbrush in a toilet and then really want to brush their teeth, but had to settle for using their finger which they don’t even trust to be clean because 38 years of watching screwed up biology shows and npr have ruined them from trusting the cleanliness of anything.  Kids make up games where they make up pretend problems. Then ride their bike over some ramp in the yard and ride around in circles. If I ride my bike over a curb I won’t be able to walk like a human for weeks. I’ll be slouching around like a gangrenous-footed gorilla.

 

Point is, let’s take back some of our things we liked as kids.  Maybe eat some freaking chicken nuggets and mac and cheese- maybe even the kind made with real bread because maybe you just made up this whole gluten thing, and you don’t really need to take out everything that helps you barely escape from the crap hole that is your life at the moment.  Maybe veganism is a croc too. I am vegan, but I wish I could go back to a time where I had no conscientious objection to things because I could no longer take my conscience telling me it was wrong. Hell, give me a time when mom smacking me with a broken paddle ball game was the only conscience I had, I played outside until I was dead tired (from using energy sucked from my parents, and not because my back seized up like a dehydrated Cod fish.)  Then I’d come in, fight with my mom about taking a bath, went to sleep and when I woke up someone had made me breakfast.

If we can’t, or won’t relive childhood, what do we think is the better, more appealing alternative?  I know what you’re thinking...sicko pervert. It’s not happening, so just stick to something normal like a kid drawing.  

And buy this piece of art because that fits your new lifestyle I just assigned you.

Also, if you insist on still being an adult, you can buy leggings, coffee mugs, iphone cases etc. from my Society6 shop.

 

  1. Scientists in Swaziland have recently concluded that buying this piece “Rob Says He’s A Bookworm” and eating Peanut Butter Cap’n Crunch increases the vigor and life span of 7 out of 8.5 mousy adult people